Dun-don! The moment I hear Law & Order’s distinctive two-beat intro, my salivary glands flood. I watch this week’s corpse discovery, then take the first commercial break to hustle out to the Sub-Zero. Two huge scoops of Vanilla Swiss Almond Häagen-Dazs in an oversize bowl later, I’m back in the company of police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. Over the next 15 minutes, those voluptuous mounds of ice cream, along with their bustier of chocolate sauce and Reddi-wip, disappear someplace. Under cross-examination by Jack McCoy, I could probably be witness-badgered into specifying where this someplace is. Right now, however, I’m too distracted to remember or care. Another commercial comes on, and I feel a sudden vague sense that my life needs balance. Something crunchy, perhaps something with salt. Oh, and add something that will make this first combo of somethings easier to swallow. By the time the jury finds the perp-o’-the-week guilty, an 8-inch stack of Zesta saltines and a 16-ounce Coke have slurried off together, crunch by crunch, sip by sip, in search of the missing Häagen-Dazs. Most men think, if we think about it at all, that the urge to eat is simple. We become hungry, we… Read full this story
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